


The Long Way Home

by angstbot



Series: Readers' Choice [26]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV), Swen, swan queen - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24116506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstbot/pseuds/angstbot
Summary: Prompt: You don’t have a home until you just miss it.Trapped in Rumpelstiltskin’s vault, Emma realizes she misses Storybrooke—and Regina. But when she gets back, is there any way to tell her? Scenes from 3B and 4A, SQ style.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Series: Readers' Choice [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/580855
Comments: 14
Kudos: 132





	The Long Way Home

**Author's Note:**

> The Beard Brigade is mentioned, but they don’t appear directly. OQ is here as a thing to get Regina out of, but there’s no CS since that ship never made any kind of sense to me. 
> 
> I started out using the exact dialogue from the scenes, but some of it was so stilted that I had to rewrite it. 
> 
> Readers’ Choice VIII, Part 3.

Trapped in Rumpelstiltskin’s vault, Emma had a realization. “When Henry brought me to Storybrooke, he told me I was the Savior. I didn’t see what he was really doing. He wasn’t bringing me to break a curse. He was bringing me home. Neal was right. You don’t have a home until you just miss it.”

Storybrooke was her home, and particularly the people in Storybrooke were what she suddenly felt, deep down, meant _home_. Her next, rather uncomfortable, thought was about what she’d remembered when she’d finally given in and drunk the memory potion in New York. The very first face she saw was Henry’s, of course. But the second was Regina. Before her parents or Neal or Hook or anybody, Regina. Her urgency to get back to New York over the past few weeks suddenly seemed like running not just from her crushing responsibility as Savior, but from what she’d realized about Regina.

But now, the wand was glowing and she was able to open the portal and there wasn’t time to think, only to escape, to convince Rumple to let her go and get there- back- _home_.

**

Emma saw Regina walk into the diner, so apparently happy with that Robin Hood guy, and felt trapped all over again. Realizing how she really felt was one thing. Doing something about it was completely different. Who was she to get in the middle of- whatever that was? But it couldn’t last, right? He had Enchanted Forest hygiene and views about women. Regina couldn’t put up with it for long, right?

Then she was distracted by Marian freaking out and wanting- _needing_ to defend Regina’s goodness, and then oh, Marian was Robin’s wife, and-

“You- You did this?” _You broke my heart_ , she heard clearly, though it went upspoken _._

“I just- wanted to save her life.” It felt stupid even as it came out of her mouth.

“You’re just like your mother. You don’t think about consequences.”

“I didn’t know.” She felt her heart breaking too. A minute ago, she would have been glad to see them broken up, but not like this. Not like this.

“Of course you didn’t. Well you better hope like hell you didn’t bring anything else back.” Regina was so hurt, turning on her heel and stalking out of the diner, and immediately Emma was following her outside, needing to fix this, needing to not have hurt her.

"Regina," she called.

"Not now, Swan," and she wasn’t sure whether the tone or the impersonal name was worse.

"I'm sorry. When I brought Marian back, I didn't know who she was. I didn't mean to hurt you." There was no getting around it. That was what she’d done, hurt her.

“It doesn’t matter what you meant. Because once again heroism lands on me. Always the villain. Even when I’m not.” She sounded so tired.

“What was I supposed to do?”

“You were dumb enough to travel through time. You should have left well enough alone.”

That pricked Emma’s pride a bit. “I am not going to apologize for saving someone’s life,” she shot back.

“She was going to die anyway, what did it matter?”

“It mattered- because- she’s a person,” Emma sputtered, startled that Regina would say something like that now, after everything. “And whatever she did, she didn’t deserve to die.”

“Well maybe she did!”

“Well, you would know, I saved her from you.” Maybe that would get through to her, make her hear what she was saying.

It seemed to work. "The woman who did that, that’s who I was, not who I am. I have worked very hard to build a future. And now it’s gone."

The bitterness was so thick that Emma could taste it, and she heard herself insist, “You don’t know that.”

“It’s plenty damn complicated now that his dead wife is back.” Of course Robin was the only future that mattered to her.

“Regina, I’m sorry for that.” She hoped it didn’t sound as stilted as it did to her. “If there’s anything I can do to help-”

“Miss Swan, the more you try to help, the worse my life becomes."

And it hurt, it hurt so much. Then everyone was outside with them, and Marian was yelling about how evil Regina was, and it was all spinning out of control. When Regina walked away and Hook grabbed her to keep her from following, she wanted to punch him, but then what right did she have to try to follow anyway? So she just watched her go, feeling sick and sad and guilty and yearning.

**

Emma tried to give her space. She stopped trying to help, like she’d been told. But then she saw Regina again in the woods, saving them all from the snow monster like the good person she was, and her resolve crumbled. She followed her back to her office.

“Regina. I know you’re in there, I can see the light on.” There was no answer, and she sighed even though she hadn’t really expected one. “I know this is all- complicated. But you _can_ have happiness. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you just have to fight.” She’d never known Regina to back down from a fight, but she still didn’t answer, not even to tell Emma to shut the hell up, which would have been welcome at this point. Anything would have been welcome at this point. “Okay, if you won’t, I will. Henry brought me to Storybrooke to bring back the happy endings. For everyone. Including you."

And if she could become that happy ending while she was at it, so much the better. She waited another moment to see if there would be a response, then walked away, feeling both defeated and like she couldn’t give up now.

**

Then, somehow, impossibly, Marian was frozen, attacked by some new source of ice powers, because when Elsa said she didn’t do it, Emma believed her. And Regina just threw herself into fixing it, again proving that everything Marian had said about her was wrong, and that she was a hero now, doing the right thing even though it hurt.

So Emma did too, letting Regina focus on that and not bothering her to ask for help on her own problems, until there were strange pictures of her with the prime suspect that must have been taken by Sidney when Regina had him stalk her, way back when. She braved Regina’s vault to ask about them.

She regretted it immediately.

“Ms. Swan. What an unpleasant surprise. Unfortunately, I’m a little busy trying to save my true love’s wife. Or hadn’t you heard?” Regina snapped, and oh, that “true love” hurt.

Regina said she didn’t know anything about the pictures, or where Sidney was, and Emma felt like she was lying about the Sidney part, but also that she didn’t exactly have the leverage to push it right now, so she let it go.

Emma managed, “Any progress on- thawing her out?”

“That’s not your business.”

“It could be.” When Regina rolled her eyes, she added, “I know I’m not sorceress of the year but, if you want some extra juice to undo the spell, let me know. “

“Are you offering to help me?” Regina seemed legitimately surprised.

“Despite everything, you’ve done a lot for me, Regina. So yeah- you’ve had my back and I want you to know I have yours.” That was nice and friendly, right? Not like “I’m desperate to make you happy”?

“Ms. Swan, one thing is very clear. You’ve never had my back. And you never will.”

Oh, that hurt.

**

When she ran into Regina out in the woods, both on their own missions, it felt like fate.

“You don’t mind the company, do you?”

“Does it matter if I mind? If I say no, you’ll just come anyway!”

That was true. It was dangerous out here, and Regina had already saved Emma’s life once this week, let alone all the times before that, and she wouldn’t even be out here if Emma hadn’t brought Marian back, and Regina was so important and she- she felt- if anything happened to her- Yeah, that was true.

**

As they tromped through the woods, Emma tried to make conversation. Magic seemed like a safe topic. “Is this a locator spell? Shouldn’t we be following some, like, floaty object or something?”

“Oh now you’re a magic expert.”

Okay, it wasn’t a safe topic. “No, it’s just, in the past there was a-”

“There are many enchantments you don’t know about. If you bothered to study your craft, you’d know that,” Regina snapped.

“I’m kinda learning as I go. It’s not like there’s a lot of online classes in this kind of thing. But,” she ventured, “when you helped me, I seemed to learn pretty fast.” That was casual right?

“I don’t have time for lessons.”

“I know. I know you’re busy.” She took a deep breath. “You know I think it’s admirable what you’re doing, helping the wife of the man you love.” She was vaguely proud of herself that it sounded almost natural.

“Oh, so I’ve impressed you. That makes it all worthwhile then, doesn’t it?”

And she was so false and so sharp and- “Why are you doing that? I’m just trying to give you credit. I’m trying to be nice.”

“And then what?” Regina shot back. “Complimenting my outfits? Giving me a makeover? Braiding my hair? Calling Robin Hood and hanging up? You’re trying to get me to be nice to you so that you can stop feeling guilty for what you did. But I won’t. Intentionally or not, Ms. Swan, you brought Marian back. You ruined my life. And there is no coming back from that. Because I know you think you didn’t mean to, but you hurt someone. So do what I have to. Learn to live with it. Welcome to my world.”

**

But then they worked together to defeat the snow warrior, and it seemed like maybe they were getting somewhere.

So Emma thought maybe she could ask, “Why didn’t you tell me about Sidney?”

But Regina was in no mood for détente. “Because no matter how much you want it, we’re not a team. I didn’t ask you to tag along.”

This time Emma wasn’t about to back down. “Well I did, and if you’d told me, maybe you would have saved us some trouble.”

“Tell you what? That I threw Sidney in the mirror to help me kill Marian, but then I changed my mind? What’s the point? You never would have believed me. I know you too well, Swan. Stop trying to get close to me again, because it’ll never happen.”

“Stop it,” Elsa cut in. “You two need to mend your differences or else Storybrooke doesn’t stand a chance.”

Regina’s laugh was bitter. “We never will. For one simple reason. I don’t want to.”

And suddenly Emma _got it_. Regina didn’t want to let down her guard because she didn’t want to be hurt again. Not just in the sense that Emma had hurt her once already, but also in the sense that she had actually trusted Emma, before, and she wasn’t going to risk it again. Then she understood something else: Regina had trusted her, and she felt betrayed by Emma’s fuckup. She must have meant something to her if this had hurt her so immensely—“stop trying to get close to me _again_ ,” she said. Regina cared.

**

Armed with that knowledge, she braved the vault again.

“What do I have to do to get you to leave me alone, Swan? Go. Away.”

She went in full force. “I’m an idiot.”

It worked. “Finally, something we can agree on.”

“I’m an idiot because I’ve been down this road before. “

“Irritating me? Yes, you have.”

“No, when I was a kid. Someone came into my life for a while, and I thought we were going to be-” _girlfriends-_ “Best friends. But she lied to me and I pushed her away because of that lie. She asked me to forgive her but I wouldn’t. Eventually, I realized that was a mistake, and regretted it, but it was too late. The damage was already done. I don’t want to make the same mistake again, Regina.” It was all confused, because Regina was Emma in this analogy as the one refusing to forgive, but it made some weird kind of sense so she just went with it. Because it came down the fact that she didn’t want to lose Regina. Couldn’t lose Regina. That was what mattered.

So she just kept talking. “Living in Storybooke, I’ve got my son, and my parents, and I love them, but they can’t always understand me. They don’t know what it feels like to be rejected and misunderstood, not the way I do, not the way _you_ do. And somehow that makes us, I don’t know, special, maybe even unique.” They _had_ something, and she needed Regina to remember that, to believe in it again.

She only had one more thing left to say, and if ever there was a time to lay all her cards on the table it was now, so she went for it. “I wasn’t trying to help because I felt guilty. I was trying to be your friend.”

“You thought we were friends?”

Ouch. Had Regina convinced herself they weren’t friends, after _everything_ , to try to explain what Emma had done? She decided to play it off. “Crazy, right? But I thought maybe that was what we were.” She paused, then went on, “I’m going to keep trying to be your friend. Even if you still want to kill me.”

And that was it. If that didn’t work, she didn’t have anything left. She turned to go.

“Emma, wait. I don’t want to kill you,” Regina said, begrudgingly, clearly not quite ready to forgive yet.

It was enough. Emma was smiling so wide that her cheeks hurt. “See? That’s a start.”

**

Regina had told her to live with having hurt her, and even if they were on better footing now, she was still living with it—the ache of having hurt Regina, but also the ache of knowing that having hurt Regina meant she’d never be able to tell her what she realized in the vault. She was living with that realization too. But then, she had said she wanted to be Regina’s friend, and she did in fact want to be Regina’s friend, so she would be damned if she didn’t do that as best as she possibly could. She couldn’t undo what she did, but she could support her through it. And keep her damn mouth shut about wanting to be anything more.

And so, when Hood was gone and Emma felt a tiny flicker of hope that she might have a chance, she stuck to being the friend Regina needed, sliding onto the bar stool next to her.

“I’m not in the mood for a hope speech, Emma.”

Emma scoffed. “I know I don’t look _that_ much like my mother. Anyway, you don’t need a speech, you need a drinking buddy. Shots?”

“Sure, why not?” She sounded a little confused.

After a moment, Emma ventured, “You know, you did the right thing today.” _Letting Hood go with his family_ went unspoken.

“What did I say about hope speeches? I thought we were drinking.”

“It’s not a speech, it’s a compliment.”

“Well I don’t need your validation. I know I did the right thing. I know because I’m miserable. Again.”

She sounded so bitter that Emma had to lighten the mood. “Well if it makes you feel any better, so is Gold.”

“It does,” Regina said, with a hint of a smile.

Emma smiled back, and they were smiling at each other and toasting with the shots and it was _good_. Then Henry came barreling in to Granny’s, his excitement contagious. He led them back to the mysterious mansion and showed them the secret room with the blank books.

“And if this place is full of potential story books-” Henry began.

“Then maybe this is the author’s house. Henry-” Regina was looking at him in awe. “You did it!” She broke into a smile and hugged him tightly.

Suddenly feeling left out of that smile and hug, Emma asked, “Did what? What’s going on?”

“Well, uh, we were looking for the author,” Regina said, looking down as if embarrassed. “I was hoping he could write me a happier story.” She looked up and met her eyes again, almost daring Emma to laugh or reject her idea.

“We called it Operation Mongoose,” Henry put in.

“I like it. It’s got style. I’m in.”

“You are?” Regina was looking at her as if seeing her for the first time.

“I made you a promise, and I’m going to keep it. Everyone deserves their happy ending.” Keep saying it that way, she told herself, like it was about everyone and not the fact that Regina Mills, very specifically, deserved so much better than she’d gotten from life.

The way Regina lit up at her was everything.

**

They split up and searched around a bit more, looking through the books and in every drawer and at all the shelves in the library. After a long while, Henry said, “I’m hungry, can we go home for dinner?”

“Yes, of course,” Regina said, putting down the book she had been examining and coming over to him immediately.

“And can we order pizza?” At Regina’s disapproving look, he said, “To celebrate!”

Regina laughed. “Sneaky. But alright. I think we’ve earned it.”

Emma reached out to ruffle his hair. “Meet you guys back here tomorrow?” she asked, ignoring the little twinge of sadness she felt at the idea of leaving them.

“You have to come too, Ma! You’re an official member of Operation Mongoose.”

“Sure, if that’s alright with Regina.” Emma looked down, putting her hands in her back pockets and shuffling her feet, feeling like looking at Regina would be like guilt-tripping her into it.

“Of course you should come. Henry’s right, you’re part of the team. And anyway, you owe me a drink.”

“I guess I do,” she said, hoping she wasn’t smiling wider than was reasonable.

**

Very quickly, Emma gave up on trying to control how wide she was smiling. In fact, her face kind of hurt from smiling, and it was wonderful. Everything was wonderful. She smiled at the way oh-so-proper Regina somehow was also a woman who ate pepperoni pizza with gusto—and red pepper flakes to give it some kick. She smiled at Henry insisting on cranking up the stereo and dancing around the living room to Men at Work and the Flashdance soundtrack, which Regina swore had come with the curse. She smiled at the way that, once Regina had a couple of glasses of wine in her, she was willing to get up and dance around too. She smiled when Henry coaxed her off the couch to join them. She smiled feeling her knuckles brush Regina’s, and even wider when Regina reacted by squeezing her hand for a moment. She smiled at how it felt so right just being here at home with them, warm and caring and comfortable.

Eventually, Henry went to bed, and he did it without even being told, and that was Regina raising him right for sure. The stereo was quieter now—Emma could faintly identify Cyndi Lauper—and she found herself on the couch beside Regina sharing a comfortable glass of wine as she smiled again at how far they’d come in just a few weeks.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Regina said.

“Just- this is nice. And I’m glad we get to do it.” At Regina’s questioning eyebrow, she clarified, “I’m glad that we’re okay.” She gestured between them.

“Oh Emma,” Regina said, reaching out and squeezing her knee. “Of course we’re okay. I never wanted to kill you, you know.”

“Oh really?” Emma asked at her driest.

“I mean, not lately.”

They held it together for a few moments and then both burst out laughing. They laughed and laughed until they were weak with it, leaning against each other, holding their sides.

It was then that Emma realized how close Regina was. She could smell her perfume. She chanced a look at her, and found Regina looking at her intently, _something_ in her eyes. Cyndi Lauper was singing about how she’d be there time after time, and the moment felt suddenly very big.

“Emma,” Regina murmured, and her fingertips trembled where they touched her face.

“Hi,” she whispered back.

Then Regina kissed her. It was gentle, almost tentative, and she was too startled to really kiss her back.

Regina pulled away. “I’m sorry, I-”

Emma caught her hand. “Don’t be.”

“But you didn’t-”

“I was just surprised.”

“So that was okay?”

“It was soooo much more than okay.” She knew she was grinning like a fool again now, and couldn’t care less.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Yes. I didn’t think this was possible anymore.” At Regina’s blank look, she added, “Since I hurt you.”

Regina’s expression was soft, and her hand was stroking Emma’s cheek again. “But you were thinking about it before then?”

“I came back from the past thinking about it, but you had somebody and then immediately everything was all messed up and it seemed like you wanted to kill me and I decided that I was just going to be the best damn friend, but I never stopped thinking about it, and mmph-”

Regina kissed her again. It was more intense this time, and Emma kissed her right back, and it was slow and easy and perfect. It was like coming home. She slid her arms around Regina and pulled her closer, and when she slid fully into her lap that was even better. Everything was so achingly right that she just wanted it to go on and on and on.

And it did.


End file.
